Them Weekly

After a long and happy life, The Mayfly died peacefully in her sleep in her 25th hour. She is survived by her ex-husband, their 240 children and 14 thousand grandkids. While most remember her for her turbulent life in the public eye, those who knew her will miss her kindness, sense of humour, and graceful mid-air mating technique.

The Mayfly is single again after her whirlwind 15-minute marriage ended in divorce this hour. Early reports say the couple had an amicable split, and will pursue joint custody of their 240 children.

After a 3-hour courtship, The Mayfly and her beau tied the knot today before a gathering of family and friends. “It was the most magical event of the season, the bride was absolutely stunning, her wings were perfect” says a source who was not at the wedding.

In a lavish bash, The Mayfly rang in her 18th hour and officially became the most sought after single in The Woods. Stay tuned…

Sure, The Mayfly is smoking hot, but she’s also only 17 hours old. Though she’s rumoured to be dating a 25-hour old, she is officially off-limits until she turns 18. Get in line guys, the countdown begins…